A) This is awesome and totally cool information and is now part of our The More You Know tag.
B) I’m less than an inch. How about you ladies?
Did you know that immersing the testicles in 116 degree F water for 45 minutes a day for three weeks will fairly consistently produce infertility for 6 months.
For comparison a hot shower is usually about 108-110 degrees F and the average pain threshold for adults is 118 degrees F.
The more you know! (But use this information at your own risk. While there are studies on it we cannot personally recommend this or guarantee it will reliably work. If you are interested, click the source below.)
Cunnilingus: He’s doing it right.
Protip for novices to cunnilingus: Using your whole mouth stimulates more of her nerves, including the rest of the clitoris which is in her labia. More nerves means it’s more pleasurable and she’s less likely to be overwhelmed by a spot treatment of the clitoral head (which can be overwhelming to some women).
Also remember that porn actors often use just their tongue so you can see what is happening. It’s an actors tool, not some amazing technique.
The more you know!
“Closed for Business”
Some women find direct clitoral stimulation uncomfortable. Having her close her legs during oral sex may help. Place your hand above her public mound applying light pressure, then rub your firm tongue on the area around the clitoris to add indirect stimulation.
This is awesome information.
There are many other forms of birth control beyond the pill. In fact, there are even several forms of the pill!
This is a quick and dirty guide to a girl’s options, since it seems some of us don’t know we even have options.
The Pill: The pill is the most known of contraceptives, right after the condom. There are 23 types of the pill, though doctors only usually prescribe one of five since they are older (more tried-and-true) and cheaper. The pill uses hormones to prevent your body from ovulating. Without ovulating, you cannot get pregnant. The down side to the pill is that to maximize it’s effectiveness, it MUST be taken at the same time each day if it is a Progestin only pill. The pill is 99% effective and certain medications and antibiotics can lower it’s effectiveness. The pill can be obtained with a prescription.
The Patch (Ortho Evera): For us women who can’t trust ourselves to try to remember to take a pill every single day (like me. the patch was my first form of birth control) there is the patch. It contains the same hormones as the pill, but instead of ingesting them they are absorbed through your skin from a patch they you place on your shoulder, stomach or ass. It is changed weekly for three weeks, and then there is an ‘off’ week for your period. The patch is slightly more effective than the pill, since it is harder to misuse it, and the level of hormones does not drop the entire week. It may be less effective for heavier women (over 198 pounds), however. And again, certain medications and antibiotics can lower it’s effectiveness. The patch is prescription-only.
The Implant (Implanon): Implanon is a small rod that is surgically placed in the arm that releases hormones that prevent pregnancy for up to three years. It costs between $400 and $800, but may cost less in the long run than paying for daily, weekly, or monthly birth control. Implanon works using the same hormones as the patch or the pill. It is more than 99% effective, but it is not for everyone. Some women have lighter periods with Implanon, while others have heavier ones. Many women have headaches and nausea associated with the implant. Some have no side effects at all. Implanon must be inserted by your doctor.
Next Monday I’ll post about three more forms of birth control.
So, first time sex. It is nerve-wracking for everyone. Not pleasing your partner is a fear every male and female has. For both straight and gay guys, we are taught that men don’t last long enough to please their partners. I am after women, so I will focus on that, but it will be helpful in some fashion to a lot of people.
So let’s say things are getting hot and heavy. First things first, make sure both you AND your partner are comfortable with where it is happening. Don’t do it somewhere scary on the first time, it just makes it more difficult. Also, don’t get all mopey and sad if your guy/gal tries to convince you to wait. Its worth it to do it in a perfect spot at the perfect time. Second… Guys, don’t rush it. You want both you and your partner ready. Starting the actual sex too early is terrible. Get them ready. Foreplay… lots of foreplay. Fingering, oral, make-outs, rubbing, handjobs, whatever gets you both excited enough to go on. Give your partner a good time, but make sure to look after yourself. MAKE SURE TO WEAR A CONDOM. Don’t don’t don’t don’t pressure her/him into doing it raw the first time. It’s just not worth it. No one wants pregnancy, STDs, or infections. Or broken hymen blood all over. NOPE.
Once you are both rubbing and thrusting and humping and raring to go, it still has complications. If it is NOT your partner’s first time, this part matters less… But if your partner is a female virgin, let her be in control. Put her on top. Not only is this insanely hot, but it also allows her to control how far and how fast you enter her. Rushing into a vagina is terrible; no one wins. Let it stretch out, let her get used to having a penis inside her. Don’t get offended or angry or sad if she needs a tiny break… first time sex is a big deal. Once she is comfortable and ready, do whatever you two want. You on top, her on top, doesn’t matter in the end, as long as everyone is having fun.
These are the steps I have found are the most important.
1)Location, location, location.
2)Don’t rush it; foreplay is fucking awesome
3)CONDOMS (or other birth control I suppose)
4)Let first timer girls be in control.
5)Ease into it.
6)Go crazy, cowboy.
Go get laid.
-Jones
This is a topic I’m personally passionate about, since I had to find this stuff out on my own. I’ve told friends who are still virgins specifically because if I can help them have an enjoyable (or at least not painful) first time I feel I’ve done a lot of good.
(As a note, this guide will be geared towards straight couples, but can totally work for a girl’s first time with a dildo or strap on with their lady friend)
Your first time is exciting and also completely nerve wracking, even if you know you’re with the right person. It’s important to not have high expectations in terms of pleasure. You’re more likely to be analyzing how it feels compared to how you imagined it than actually getting off. And that’s okay. You’ll have many more times to explore and truly enjoy.
That being said, let’s start off with a checklist and the reasoning behind the items.
- First, you need someone you’re attracted to, whether they be male or female. This one is self explanatory.
- A condom. Unless you use tampons and also have used penetrative sex toys you are still likely to have your hymen intact, even just a little, and when it tears it’s safe to have a barrier between it and any source of bacteria, including your man’s penis. A condom is also an easily portable and widely available contraceptive, in case you’re not on the pill or using another method. Just make sure to check the expiration date and to put it on correctly so you’re not lessening it’s effectiveness.
- Lube. Lube will be your best friend in your following sexual endeavors. Some women aren’t wet enough for penetration, and especially for your first time it’s important to be able to glide. A woman’s natural lubrication depends on where in her cycle she is, and it is possible that you may find the right moment at a time when you’re not producing that much. Lube will help you stay comfortable.
- A location in which you are comfortable. This is much more important than you might think. First time sex is a big deal, and any extra stress can make it unenjoyable. If things start getting hot and heavy someplace you’re not so sure about, wait until another time. Feeling safe and being comfortable are incredibly important.
So, when the timing is right, you’re with someone you like and you’re safe and comfortable, what do you do?
Foreplay is especially important your first time. You’re likely to be tight and the more tight you are the less comfortable you’ll be. In fact being too tight can be a major source of pain. To help loosen you up, have your guy finger you, starting with one finger and, when you’re ready, working up to two. Foreplay will also help your body create more of it’s natural lubricant, and wetter is better.
Remember: the point is not having an orgasm from foreplay but to prepare you for penetration.
When he’s hard and you’re wet and you’re both raring to go, take a moment to put the condom on. Put lube on the inside and outside of the condom, as well as some on your vaginal opening. If your guy is worried about losing his erection while you put the condom on, try to make it as sexy as possible. If you fawn over him instead of just trying to get it on as fast as possible, he’s less likely to soften. (If he does lose his hard-on, however, don’t be dismayed. Nerves can cause a loss of erection. It’s not your fault!)
Now, here is what I consider to be the most important part. It is in your best interest to be in control. It’s your first time and you might be nervous about getting on top, but being able to control how quickly or slowly he enters you will reduce the amount of pain you have. There is no way for him to know how fast is too fast, so take the matter into your own hands by being on top.
Being on top has another advantage, as well. Nerves can ruin a guy’s erection and they can also make your vaginal muscles tighten painfully, making sex impossibly uncomfortable. Knowing you have control over the situation can help you relax. If you find you’re too tight pause for a moment and breathe. Focus on relaxing your body, specifically your pelvic region and lower back. When you’re ready, begin again. Sometimes sliding off a bit can help you relax further instead of pushing against what feels like a painful barrier.
And finally, when he is fully inside of you just experiment. Most everything you do at this point will feel good to him, so just try to get a feel for what it’s like. Try gyrating your hips in a circle or slowly sliding up and down his shaft. Don’t worry about either of you coming, just enjoy the experience. Amazing orgasms can come later.
-Lucy
Next week, Jones will be writing up the Male Edition of First-Time Sex, so keep a lookout, guys!
A week or so ago I was shocked at how many women on Tumblr will go to a sex blog for advice when they’re having pain during sex (and how some of the blog owners handled the question).
With my own experience going to my gynecologist due to pain during sex still fresh in my mind, I thought I’d detail out the experience for our female viewers. Not knowing what will happen at the doctors office while discussing something so intimate can be an intimidating thing. So here’s how it happened for me.
I got to the office and checked in like normal, and when the nurse came and got me she let me set my things down in the exam room, then weighed me, doubled checked what my height is, and took my blood pressure.
She then told me to undress from the waist down and sit down on the exam table with the provided covering across my lap while I waited for my doctor.
A few minutes later she came in and asked me to describe what was going on. She checked if I was still with a stable partner, if I thought it may have to do with switching birth control recently, and asked a few more questions specific to my lifestyle.
She then had me scoot down and put my feet in the stirrups (with silly oven mitts on them, btw. My doc is kinda cool and doesn’t go for regular stirrup covers) so she could examine me.
Very carefully she slid the speculum in (a metal device, usually heated to body temperature beforehand, used to stretch the vagina so your doctor can examine your cervix). The speculum can feel weird because it’s exposing a part of your body that otherwise is never exposed to the air, but if your doctor is doing it right, or unless you have inflammation or an infection, it shouldn’t be painful, only strange. In fact, several times she asked to make sure she wasn’t hurting me or that I wasn’t uncomfortable. Since I was there specifically because of pain during sex she was even more careful than usual.
After taking a look at my cervix, probably to see if there was any inflammation (she didn’t explain that part to me), she took a few samples with a swab to send to a lab to make sure there isn’t any bacteria causing the problem.
She then slid the speculum out, put some lube on her fingers and manually felt around to see if there were any abnormalities.
In the end she told me the pain was probably either stress-related or an ovarian cyst. I am going in for an ultrasound next Friday to see if there’s anything going on there, but told me to just try to relax and de-stress until we get the results of the tests.